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 He looked at her with disgust in his eyes and told her to call her husband!

In five minutes, she did.

Nkechi had literally begged him not to park his car there.

It was a Saturday morning, and she  had gone to the supermarket with Emeka and their youngest child.

The car park was half empty with clearly marked spaces for each car, but Emeka just swung in behind another car and boxed it in completely thus blocking its exit!

"My dear please  park properly," Nkechi  said.            "If the owner of that car wants to come out, there might  issues."

He turned to look at her in utter disbelief and yelled,

"Who are you to tell me what to do?  The owner of that car can go and hug a transformer for all I care."

She swallowed hard.

This was normal for her and after  eleven years, she knew the arithmetic of her marriage -one sentence from her, twenty from him, and the whole day would be completely ruined. 

Emeka never took correction from anyone in his life. He would not listen to his Mother or elders so who was Nkechi to advise him?

They had just finished shopping when they were told that the owner of the vehicle was waiting.

Slim, fair, elegantly dressed in a simple blue dress, standing beside her car with a young girl; was this beautiful woman. 

She greeted them warmly and asked, smiling, if Emeka could please move forward or backwards so she could pull out.

He ignored her. 

She asked again, still smiling, still polite.

That smile is what he chose to attack.

"Why are you smiling? Is something funny?"

"Sir, please, I'm in a hurry."

"And if I don't move it, what will you do?"

Nkechi stood by the car holding her child's hand, boiling , the kind of boiling anger that has nowhere to go, because speaking would only turn the fire on her.

The woman called security. 

The guard asked Emeka to move. 

At that time Emeka was no longer talking about parking. He was raining insults on a stranger in a public car park. 

He called her all kinds of unprintable names, he announced to anyone who cared to listen that she was a side chick, that no woman buys a car like that with her own money, that some married man was paying for her body.

He was unaware that  the young girl standing quietly to the side, phone up, was recording every word.

The woman stopped arguing. She said, calmly, that she was calling her husband.

Emeka laughed. "Call him! Call that your Superman husband, let’s see."

He should have looked at her face when she made that call.

In under five minutes a sea green Hilux and a black SUV turned into the car park. 

Soldiers came down, and behind them a seemingly quiet man dressed in workout cloths, stood staring at Emeka.

The soldiers  beat Emeka in front of the supermarket, smashed the windscreen and taillights of their Car,and Nkechi had to go back into the supermarket for fear of being caught in the line of fire.

They removed Emeka, took him into custody and while the lady and her husband  left together, Emeka’s car was towed.

The only person left  beside the broken glass was a wife holding her child.

Let nobody misunderstand this part. 

Nkechi did not celebrate!

Her husband  being beaten by strangers is not justice, and no woman should have to watch her child's father dragged so shamefully into a vehicle in public. 

However, she stood there with a profound truth she had been swallowing for years:

This occurrence was not novel.

It was just the first time someone had stood up to her husband.

She boarded a taxi-cab and went home.

Emeka’ s sister called that evening asking her to get a lawyer, arrange for toiletries to be taken to her husband because he would be charged to court.

Nkechi had refused to go to the police station.

This drama has been Nkechi’s lived experience for 12 years!

Her husband shut down her business and yet refused to provide her with funds to sustain herself.

Her parents were still providing for her till date.

Her husband made sure all purchases were done by him and ensured she had no money to her name. Initially when they started a joint account, she taught it was for the benefit of the family, but she was banned from operating any personal accounts.

Her parents sent money to her through her sibling,even for toiletries!

He abused her verbally through out the week in front of her children, he told her she could never do any thing right and always pointed out how incompetent she was in private and public.

That night she called her parents to come pick her up! 

NOW SIT WITH THIS.

Emeka did not become that man in the car park. 

He arrived there fully formed, and everybody who knew him had seen it coming.

A man who cannot take correction from anyone.

A man who is always right and never sorry.

A man who insults his own mother and sisters.

A man who is rude to gatemen, waiters, traders, strangers.

A man who physical abuses his wife.

A man who attacks women online for sport.

A man who wants you dependent-no job, no money, no savings, no options.

None of that is hidden. 

It is all almost always visible during courtship. 

We just call it by softer names or pretend that it is not there!

 We explain it away-

He  is strong-willed.

He does not  take nonsense.

He is very protective. 

He just has a temper, but he loves me.

Character is not revealed by how a man treats you when he is happy with you. It is revealed by how he treats people who can do nothing for him- the gateman, the waitress, the stranger who politely asked him to move his car.

Identify the red flags BEFORE the wedding, not after. Marriage does not soften a cruel man. 

It only gives him a wife and children to practise on, behind a door nobody can knock.